I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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