Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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