I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
