I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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