In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
