Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
