sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
