It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
