HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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