I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
