DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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