hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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