I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
