when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
