she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
