I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize