we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
