So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
