He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
