I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
