worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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