dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am one with the molecules
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
