You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
