She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
