I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
