my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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