I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
