I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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