i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
