This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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