Jerry, you need to find god
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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