I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
