Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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