Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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