i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
