when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
