Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
