thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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