don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
