I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize