Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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