I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
