You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
