he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
