dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
