Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
