the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
