Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
