its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
