I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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