I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
