You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
