On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
