The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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