I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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