I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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