I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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