Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
