i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
