I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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