I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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