Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
