I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
