You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
