oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
