Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
