okay pat passed out under dana's car
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
