if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
is that a dick in a sweater?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My bed smells like the plague
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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