i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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