Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
