It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
