So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
